4 Ways To ‘Fight Right’ For A Stronger Relationship—By A Psychologist

Forbes - Mar 8th, 2025
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In the realm of relationships, conflict is often perceived as a negative occurrence, yet renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman suggests that it can be beneficial if managed correctly. Gottman emphasizes that conflict should not be avoided, but rather approached with calmness and clarity. He introduces the concept of a 'softened start-up,' advising individuals to initiate discussions gently, avoiding blame and criticism, to foster constructive dialogues instead of arguments. This approach enables partners to express personal needs without inciting defensiveness, thereby setting the stage for meaningful communication and mutual understanding.

Gottman's research further reveals that most conflicts in relationships are perpetual, stemming from inherent differences in personality, values, or lifestyle. The key to longevity in relationships is not resolving every disagreement, but learning to manage these differences through compromise and respect. Repair attempts, such as gestures to diffuse tension and signal a desire to work through issues together, are crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. Forgiveness, rather than ignoring past hurts, allows couples to move forward without resentment, focusing on gratitude and the positive aspects of their partnership. Ultimately, Gottman’s insights encourage couples to see conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat to their relationship.

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RATING

6.6
Fair Story
Consider it well-founded

The article provides valuable insights into managing relationship conflict, drawing on the research of Dr. John Gottman. It offers practical advice and strategies, making it accessible and engaging for a broad audience. The focus on conflict as a neutral or beneficial aspect of relationships is a positive perspective that encourages healthier approaches to disagreements.

However, the article's reliance on a single expert without direct citations or a broader range of sources limits its factual accuracy and balance. Including diverse perspectives and addressing potential criticisms would enhance the article's credibility and comprehensiveness.

Overall, the article effectively addresses public interest by offering practical advice on a universally relevant topic. With improvements in transparency, source quality, and balance, it could further enhance its impact and engagement with readers.

RATING DETAILS

7
Accuracy

The article presents several claims about relationship dynamics and conflict management, largely based on the research of Dr. John Gottman. The claim that conflict is inherently neutral or beneficial is a perspective supported by some relationship studies, though it requires more specific data to be fully verifiable. The mention of Gottman's 'softened start-up' technique is accurate as it aligns with his well-documented research on communication strategies in relationships.

However, the statement that 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual is a specific statistic that necessitates direct citation from Gottman's research to confirm its accuracy. The article also discusses the benefits of repair attempts and forgiveness, which are supported by psychological studies but would benefit from more explicit references to empirical evidence or studies.

Overall, while the article's claims align with general psychological principles, the lack of direct citations and detailed evidence for specific statistics reduces its score in factual accuracy. The article would be more robust with precise references to studies or direct quotes from Gottman's work.

6
Balance

The article primarily presents a single perspective on relationship conflict, focusing on strategies to view and manage it positively. While this approach is constructive, it lacks a broader range of viewpoints. For instance, it doesn't address potential criticisms of Gottman's methods or alternative conflict resolution strategies from other experts.

Additionally, the article could benefit from acknowledging that not all conflicts can be managed effectively with the strategies outlined, particularly in relationships with deeper issues such as abuse or severe communication breakdowns. By not addressing these scenarios, the article may inadvertently suggest that all conflicts can be managed in the same way, which isn't always the case.

The lack of diverse perspectives and potential omissions of other relevant viewpoints, such as cultural differences in conflict resolution, limits the article's balance. Including these elements would provide a more comprehensive overview of the topic.

8
Clarity

The article is well-structured and presents its ideas clearly, making it accessible to a general audience. It uses straightforward language and provides practical examples to illustrate the concepts discussed, such as the 'softened start-up' technique and repair attempts.

The logical flow of the article helps readers understand the progression of ideas from the nature of conflict to strategies for managing it effectively. The use of relatable scenarios, like feeling unheard in a relationship, aids in conveying the message in an engaging manner.

However, the article could improve clarity by explicitly defining key terms and concepts, such as 'perpetual conflicts,' to ensure all readers have a clear understanding. Overall, the article is clear and easy to follow, with minor areas for improvement in defining specific terms.

7
Source quality

The article relies heavily on the research and theories of Dr. John Gottman, a well-respected figure in relationship psychology, which lends credibility to its claims. However, the article does not provide direct citations or references to specific studies or publications by Gottman, which would strengthen its reliability.

While Gottman is a reputable source, the article would benefit from incorporating a variety of sources to provide a more rounded view. Including insights from other relationship experts or empirical studies would enhance the article's authority and provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Overall, the article's reliance on a single expert without direct attribution slightly undermines its source quality. A broader range of sources and explicit references to Gottman's work would improve its credibility.

5
Transparency

The article lacks transparency in terms of providing specific citations or references to the research it discusses. While it mentions Dr. John Gottman's work, it does not specify which studies or publications the information is drawn from, making it difficult for readers to verify the claims independently.

Additionally, the article does not disclose any potential conflicts of interest or biases that might influence its content. While the focus on Gottman's methods suggests a reliance on his perspective, the article does not clarify whether this is due to the author's preference or another reason.

Improving transparency by including direct citations, explaining the basis for the claims, and disclosing any potential biases would enhance the article's credibility and allow readers to better assess the validity of the information presented.

Sources

  1. https://therapytips.org/interviews/new-research-reveals-a-simple-and-effective-way-for-couples-to-reduce-conflict
  2. https://therapytips.org/articles/the-5-different-fight-languages-that-emerge-in-couples-confrontations
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202503/3-things-marriage-teaches-us-about-conflict
  4. https://muckrack.com/mark-travers/articles
  5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/mark-travers-phd